Yes, adoption. I love this subject!
Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's and one of America's famous adoptees became an advocate for adoption later in his life. He said, "Every child deserves a home and love. Period." I agree.
700,000.
The estimated number of children in foster care in the United States in 2009. That number was down from 800,000 the previous year, and since the year 2000 has fluctuated between 500,00 and 800,000. In the past decade, US adoptions through foster care have climbed from around 50,000 per year to an estimated 57,000 in 2009.
During that same time span, the number of international adoptions completed by American families has fluctuated between just over 12,000 to almost 23,000, with 2009 being the lowest, which is explained primarily by worsening economic conditions (international adoption is expensive). Fewer international adoptions have also taken place over the past 5 years as there have been changes in international laws governing adoptions.
Of course the need is always greater than the resources, but kudos to adoptive families. That's a lot of adopted children!
Over the past 15 years, I have worked with birth mothers, adoptive parents, adoptees, attorneys, legislatures, boards, committees, and even the US Attorney's office on issues relating to adoption. I've seen every side of adoption, and as an adoptive parent have also experienced the personal side of adoption.
Home studies and background checks to make sure I'm a fit parent.
Uncertainties about how to raise a child who was loved and let go.
Questions from well-meaning strangers who are trying to make sense of the odd mix of individuals standing before them. "Are you a daycare or a family?" a woman once asked me.
Combing lice out of my infant daughter's hair on the first night I met her.
Holding my daughter while she screamed at having to drink formula she had never tasted from a stranger who looked nothing like the person who used to feed her.
Holding another daughter as she sobbed giant tears over the loss of her family...again, and again, and again.
Hearing the words, "Is is ok if I call you mom?" from a child who needed desperately to speak those words to another human being.
Sharing birthdays, Christmases, first days of school, trick-or-treating, and school programs.
Hearing, "I love you," and watching as bonds of friendship form between siblings who were once strangers.
All part of the journey of adoption.
Every family has a story, and most stories are filled with the twists and turns of life, but adoption is a ride all it's own. Two of our four children are biological births and two were adopted into our family. We have also begun the process of our third adoption. Adoption has truly become a part of our family identity. This is our story.
Both our biological children were the result of complicated high-risk pregnancies and deliveries. We were twice blessed and happy to be parents. Twice we had rolled the dice and the result had been two healthy boys and a healthy mom, but knowing the risks involved, we decided two was enough. We thanked God and looked forward to a life of joy with our boys.
A week after our youngest son was home from the NICU we got a phone call from a family that knew both my husband and I, asking us to adopt the infant daughter of an extended family member who couldn't care for her. "We already have a baby," was our first reply. But what if... It would be like having twins without the pregnancy and labor. Twins? No! Absolutely not! But what if we never got the chance to adopt again? A month later, child number three joined our family. As we expected, it was a blur for the first few years, but a very fun blur, and we couldn't imagine our lives any other way.
As our babies became preschoolers we started looking into adoption again. We didn't want to raise our daughter as the only adopted child in a family. Once it almost worked out, and when it didn't we were heart broken, but tried again. And again. Finally we said, "Maybe not now." We needed a break from the roller coaster of emotions that is adoption, and once again we found ourselves looking at the blessings right before our eyes and feeling very thankful to be parents. We had three amazing children. We couldn't want anything more.
Then our lives changed again in an instant as late one August evening I found myself standing with two grandmas over the hospital bed of a niece, searching for words that didn't want to come. How do you tell a child that she no longer has a family?
The funerals and days, weeks, and months that followed were once again a blur. Then one day she stopped calling me Aunt Mary and started calling me mom. And I'll never forget the first time she relaxed as I scratched her back, or the first time she fell asleep in my arms. I remember being in awe of the resilience of a child who could let herself be held and loved after losing everything. Love is truly an amazing gift.
Once again we found ourselves looking through the eyes of healing at the blessing of being able to share our lives with four amazing children, still feeling the need to complete a journey we had started years ago. A journey that was our own, one that we could reclaim from a life interrupted with grief.
And so it is that we are once again on the adoption journey. In the adoption world, it isn't over until it's over, and we know that anything could happen to change the course of our journey at any given moment. Hopefully not. (We're pretty excited around our house.) And if the roller coaster dips again, we're on this ride for the duration and count ourselves blessed to share the amazing lives of children we might not have ever known had it not been for adoption.
Other posts by Mary about adoption:
Adoption and Loss
Adoption Language
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